For a girl

“250 back squat! That’s pretty good…….for a girl, I mean.”

“For a girl” The most commonly heard backhanded “compliment” that I hear from friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers, both male and female. That three word phrase is the most effective way to take away my hard work that I put in physically and mentally. If you want to stop reading now, I will sum this whole post up for you: STOP SAYING THAT!!!! But if you want to hear a 20 something year old female talk about gender in the gym, please continue reading.

Strength is the ability of a muscular unit or combination of muscular units to apply force. When building strength, there are a lot of things that are in my control. I can control my mechanics, by having good mechanics, applying force is more “efficient,” and I can add more weight to the bar. I can control my nutrition. Feeding my body food that helps my muscles grow, gives me more muscles to apply more force, and I can add more weight on the bar. I can control my recovery. Breaking down the muscles by working out and then giving those muscles time to rebuild through recovery, makes my body stronger. I can apply more force, and again, I  can add more weight on the bar. Do you know what I can’t control? My gender and the hormonal and chemical make up that come with being a female. When someone tells me, “For a girl,” they have taken away all of the work that I put into my mechanics, nutrition, recovery, not the mention the mental work that I put in. And their only criteria they use is something that is out of my control.

Yes, I can take hormones and even get a sex change, but we’re going super basic level here. Stick with me friends.

I will always have to work twice has hard and only earn half of the respect as the males in my gym. When I was training for a power lifting meet, I finally hit a HUGE goal for me: 300 pound dead lift. It took me weeks and weeks to get there and so much mental work. When I finally did it and told the males on my “team” instead of a high five and a “nice job,” I heard: “That’s pretty good, but you should be lifting more at this point.” and “I hit 300 several years ago.” Immediately what I did was not good enough. How dare I celebrate my victory? Because they were stronger than me, strictly based on the numbers that they lift. There was a complete disregard to the amount of work that I put into that lift.

I told my coach how discouraged I was, and she told me “They are probably jealous, because you have added 30 pounds on your lifts in 10 weeks and they haven’t had a PR yet this year.” And maybe that’s true. Or maybe they just don’t think before they speak. But regardless, what she said helped me get through that mental break. And it does make me think. Honestly, why do males say stuff like this to female lifters? I would say a lot of it has to do with ego. In the global gym setting, free weights are usually seen as a male only area and the treadmills, ellipticals, and stair master are for women. With the ever growing popularity of crossfit and powerlifting, women are realizing what it means to be a strong. Women are daily realizing that they are a force to be reckoned with and will cross over into the free weight section of the gym. And some men just can’t handle it. If a man is lifting to impress women or assert dominance in some way and sees that a female is lifting and asserting her own dominance, that probably messes with his ego. Suddenly the female doesn’t need you to lift something up for her or open the pickle jar for her. And you know what. That’s his issue. NOT. MINE.

“Not all guys are like that” very true statement. I know lots of guys that are like “YOU GO GIRL!” The guys that do that, don’t have an ego issue. They want women to realize their strength. They want women to be strong and independent. They want women to push the boundaries of strength. They are on team health and fitness. And that is the best team to be on! Everyone in the gym should be on this team. It would make the gym a much safer place for everyone. I often hear beginners say that they don’t want to lift because they are intimidated by how much others are lifting and feel judged. If everyone was on team health and fitness, there would be no judgment or competition. Beginners would get to experience what it means to set goals, crush them, and get stronger. Because when you’re on team health and fitness, you want everyone to have the same experience that you had when you first started out. You want everyone to push themselves to be the absolute best version of themselves. Regardless of their ability level, age, gender, or their goals.

So how do I deal with these comments. I have had a complete shift in my mindset shift in my approach to success in the gym (and life). I do not want my success to be tied to a title. The victories are no longer found in specific numbers. I do not measure my success by answering the question: Did I hit a certain amount of weigh or get the accolades and recognition? I measure my success by answering the question: In this moment, am I doing everything in my power, physically, mentally, and emotionally, to get to where I want to be, while staying true to my core values?  If I do everything in my power everyday to be better and stronger, regardless of what the outcome is, I am experiencing success everyday. This mindset shift makes those comments and the lack of respect a “white noise” in my life. I can ignore the white noise. Just turn Beyonce up a little louder.

All lifters, male, female, beginner, or experienced, need to encourage eachtoher in our own quest for strength. And strength is going to look different for everyone. We are all on the same team, and there are lots of things we can control and things we can’t control. Control what you can, encourage others, stay happy and healthy, seek success everyday. And when all else fails:

Do your squats, eat your veggies, and don’t let boys be mean to you.