The Cashier and the Old Lady

“Wouldn’t I prefer not to fall into war? But if war does befall me, I’ll wish to carry nobly the wounds, starvation and other necessities of war. Neither am I so crazy as to desire illness, but if I must suffer, I’ll wish to do nothing rash or dishonorable. The point is not to wish for these adversities, but for the virtue that makes these adversities bearable.” -Seneca

This is adversity. This time in history that we are all living through. COVID-19. A pandemic that began a whole word away just months ago. It’s here right now. We have closed schools, we are practicing social distancing, self-isolation, businesses have closed, store shelves are empty. And it’s going to get worse. Everything seems like the every single post-apocalyptic book that I’ve read or movie that I’ve seen.

Right here. Right now. This is adversity.

One of the first moments of adversity that I ever faced was in 2017 during tax season. I owed the government more money that I had in my bank account and had to go into debt to pay my taxes. How did I react?  I was emotional, I cried, I got angry, I panicked, I stress ate. How many of us are doing some of those things right now?

Ever since I decided to work on my mental weaknesses, the books that I have read have all had a common theme: develop your core values and live by them. By relying on core values, I no longer have to  constantly make decisions about how I am going to react. I have worked on being the person that says: When things get tough I am the type of person that remains authentic, disciplined, and humble.

I used to treat everything the way I treated my 2017 tax season. Emotional reaction to anything that wasn’t in my schedule or my plan: car needs a repair, weather makes me have to cancel plans, long line at the grocery store, having to stay late at work, constructive criticism from a superior. Everything was emotional, the slightest things would “ruin” my day. Going from happy, to sad, to mad, to excited, to anxious all day everyday over things I can’t control was pretty exhausting.

As I went through developing core values, I used these moments in my everyday life to practice relying on core values. It definitely wasn’t easy, it’s work to recognize when I was being emotional over things I couldn’t control. And I still have to work on it. But having worked on it everyday, has essentially prepared me for what I am facing now. And as I continue to practice this everyday and when adversity arises again, I will only improve.

So here is an example of how I would practice core values for things that I use to react to as “adversity.” The scenario: 4:30 pm on Friday, long line at the grocery store.

I used to immediately get angry. “Why are all these people here” “Of course the old lady is writing a check, she’s taking forever.” “OMG why is the cashier talking with her, he’s wasting everyone’s time.” “And now she’s looking through her receipt.” And then I was cranky at the cashier and the old lady when it was FINALLY my turn to have my groceries scanned.

This is not adversity. Stop treating this moment as adversity. Here’s how I work on relying on core values during this situation: Authentic (think objective) Ok, well, this is a popular time to shop, and I will still get home by 5. The cashier and the old lady are not doing this to me personally. This is not personal.  Humble I put myself in her shoes. I work with the elderly and I know what some of the struggles this population has. Disciplined I am going to do one of the hardest tasks in the world: control what I can control, which is my emotions and how I am reacting to this situation. ( And when I get to the front, I am NOT going to buy a candy bar because I “deserve one” for having to face such adversity: waiting in the line for 10 minutes.)

So for the past two years, this is what I have been doing daily. As soon as I feel myself emotionally react to what is happening around me, I rely on my core values. It’s not easy and there are plenty of times that I miss or completely ignore. But I continue to find at least one moment a day to really check in with myself and ask myself “Am I being my best self and remaining true to who I am?” All of the daily practice of remaining committed to core values has prepared my mind and spirit for true adversity. This is the test. Right now, this is true adversity. Not the cashier and the old lady.

As the next days and weeks continue and the unknown and the unknowable continue, I already have a mental game plan. I can control 1 factor in all of this: how will I react and handle this adversity. And I already have my answer: By remaining authentic, disciplined, and humble.

I dare you. Stop treating everyday life as adversity. Develop your core values and practice them daily.

 

Also, please wash your hands and stay home!!