Author: becauseshedared

Every time I go home to my parents house, on my way back I think: I need to write a blog about my parents and just tell some of their stories.  I’ve drafted and deleted this post so many times. I feel like I’m trying to make some grandiose point about helping others and being a servant and giving of your time and resources, but nothing really stuck.  So I thought, I will just tell some of their stories about my parents “Saying Yes.” And who doesn’t want a bunch of feel good stories during a quarantine. Also mom and dad, if I get any of these stories wrong or you feel like I misrepresented you, I guess you should write a book to defend yourselves.

My parents have gone on missions trips to El Salvador, Puerto Rico, and Nicaragua. They have been a part of disaster relief and food distributions to small towns in North Dakota. They have been on mission teams to some of the poorest places in America.  Their backyard and their community is their daily mission field.

“Say Yes” my mom has this framed in the house, my parents proudly say that they are living in chapter three of their lives. They moved off the farm and into town a couple of years ago. During this time, they have had opportunities to be missionaries in their backyard and in the community. Simply by “saying yes.”

My parent’s backyard is the city park, and they (my mom) walk the dog 2-3 times a day and they have met all kinds of people. Sometimes these strangers become overnight guests in my parents basement. There was a man who was biking across America as a fundraiser, maybe missions, I don’t remember. But as my parents were walking the dog, they got to talking to him and invited him to stay in a bed and have a hot meal before the next part of his journey. My absolute favorite stranger in the park to house guest story is the newly-wed couple.

My parents were walking the dog in the park. They had met a newly-wed couple on a cross-country road trip. The newly-weds were tenting in the park and it was either going to rain that night or it was supposed to be bad weather that night. And, as my dad tells it: If it were my kids I would want someone to help them. So they offered this young couple to stay in the basement over night to stay dry and warm. Now, I hear this and my first thought is: MURDER. This couple could have murdered my parents. This is probably why they are traveling across the country: they’re on the lam. My second thought is: Does this couple not know about stranger danger? I mean scenario #1 is the nice man in the park with the dog. Obviously, I watch too many murder documentaries. Because the reality is that this couple have kind of a cool story to tell, and they can pass that kindness along. My parents were an example to a young couple of the importance of helping others and offering what you can. Who knows maybe this couple will grow up to use a dog to entice strangers in their local park to come stay in their basement.

“Who is staying in the basement this week?” A real question I ask my parents. Because they often have house guests in their basement for an extended period of time. Recently, a nurse from the Phillippines who was moving to Australia. I’m not 100% sure on the story, but basically, her lease was up, and she had planned to couch surf for a month, or something. (I mean if my parents were to write a book we could have the full story, just saying.) Well, my parents saw an opportunity to “Say Yes” and offered her to stay in their basement for a month, no cost, no questions asked. My parent’s basement has a little kitchenette, a den, a bathroom, and two bedrooms. So it’s private and you really can live in the basement. However, she was more than a “tenant” for my parents. They (my mom) cooked for her. They socialized with her. They helped her sell her car. They took her to Fargo to help her send her stuff to Australia. They took her to the airport. It’s a relationship formed simply by my parents saying yes to an opportunity to help an acquaintance. It’s a part of this nurse’s life, and she can always tell the story of living in my parents’ basement.

There are others’ that have fallen on hard times, some who have had unexpected life events happen to them. All have had a home for a week, a month, sometimes 2-3 months in my parents’ basement. And for my parents it’s  about “saying yes.” It’s about answering a calling.

So that’s my parents’ basement. Let’s talk about another part of my parents’ house: the kitchen/dinner table.

Since moving to town, my parents have guests over for Sunday dinner, ALMOST every week. I would say 3 of 4 Sundays per month my parents have people over for Sunday dinner. My mom always told the story of her grandma’s magic soup pot. My mom’s grandma would make a pot of soup on Sunday, and when she got to church, she would start inviting people over. My mom’s grandma never knew how many people would come, but no matter what: The magic soup pot had enough to feed everyone. Well, my mom has a magic dinner table. No matter how many people show up, there is always room at my mom’s dinner table.

For about a year, every time I came home for the weekend, there was ALWAYS a Sunday dinner guest. And I would get so mad. I was just like “Why can’t I just have time with my parents, why do they always have to have someone over?”  I think it was jealousy. Not jealousy of my parents time, but that I was jealous that my home church had people like my parents. People who are mindful of new people at church and make a point to make them feel welcome. I grew up in the church, and I never thought that going to church by yourself can be such a “scary” thing.  But it is. I moved out and had to start at zero with church: going to a new place, having to meet new people. Plus you have this added “pressure” of church where we are “supposed to present our best selves.” One of the coolest things my parents do is invite people over for Sunday dinner. It’s a weekly “Say Yes” to your calling.

I could go on about my parents and their mission field. They actually stopped getting the local paper. Why? Well they had met cashiers at the gas station. Instead of the paper coming in the mail weekly, they would buy the paper at the gas station. This gave them an opportunity to continue to minister to the cashiers at the gas station. There are countless people who have been blessed by my parents.

Wouldn’t it be great to hear all the stories? Like in the form of a book written by my parents? Sorry mom and dad, but the people want to hear it! Write it! Honestly, my parents will never write a book, because they would see it as “bragging” or as self-centered, but if enough people ask, maybe they will?

“Saying Yes.” For my parents, it’s not about “Saying Yes” to other people. It’s about saying yes to the Lord. God has called my parents. And they are the living example of answering God’s calling on your life.

“….When did we see you you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go visit you? The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'” Matthew 25:37-40

“Wouldn’t I prefer not to fall into war? But if war does befall me, I’ll wish to carry nobly the wounds, starvation and other necessities of war. Neither am I so crazy as to desire illness, but if I must suffer, I’ll wish to do nothing rash or dishonorable. The point is not to wish for these adversities, but for the virtue that makes these adversities bearable.” -Seneca

This is adversity. This time in history that we are all living through. COVID-19. A pandemic that began a whole word away just months ago. It’s here right now. We have closed schools, we are practicing social distancing, self-isolation, businesses have closed, store shelves are empty. And it’s going to get worse. Everything seems like the every single post-apocalyptic book that I’ve read or movie that I’ve seen.

Right here. Right now. This is adversity.

One of the first moments of adversity that I ever faced was in 2017 during tax season. I owed the government more money that I had in my bank account and had to go into debt to pay my taxes. How did I react?  I was emotional, I cried, I got angry, I panicked, I stress ate. How many of us are doing some of those things right now?

Ever since I decided to work on my mental weaknesses, the books that I have read have all had a common theme: develop your core values and live by them. By relying on core values, I no longer have to  constantly make decisions about how I am going to react. I have worked on being the person that says: When things get tough I am the type of person that remains authentic, disciplined, and humble.

I used to treat everything the way I treated my 2017 tax season. Emotional reaction to anything that wasn’t in my schedule or my plan: car needs a repair, weather makes me have to cancel plans, long line at the grocery store, having to stay late at work, constructive criticism from a superior. Everything was emotional, the slightest things would “ruin” my day. Going from happy, to sad, to mad, to excited, to anxious all day everyday over things I can’t control was pretty exhausting.

As I went through developing core values, I used these moments in my everyday life to practice relying on core values. It definitely wasn’t easy, it’s work to recognize when I was being emotional over things I couldn’t control. And I still have to work on it. But having worked on it everyday, has essentially prepared me for what I am facing now. And as I continue to practice this everyday and when adversity arises again, I will only improve.

So here is an example of how I would practice core values for things that I use to react to as “adversity.” The scenario: 4:30 pm on Friday, long line at the grocery store.

I used to immediately get angry. “Why are all these people here” “Of course the old lady is writing a check, she’s taking forever.” “OMG why is the cashier talking with her, he’s wasting everyone’s time.” “And now she’s looking through her receipt.” And then I was cranky at the cashier and the old lady when it was FINALLY my turn to have my groceries scanned.

This is not adversity. Stop treating this moment as adversity. Here’s how I work on relying on core values during this situation: Authentic (think objective) Ok, well, this is a popular time to shop, and I will still get home by 5. The cashier and the old lady are not doing this to me personally. This is not personal.  Humble I put myself in her shoes. I work with the elderly and I know what some of the struggles this population has. Disciplined I am going to do one of the hardest tasks in the world: control what I can control, which is my emotions and how I am reacting to this situation. ( And when I get to the front, I am NOT going to buy a candy bar because I “deserve one” for having to face such adversity: waiting in the line for 10 minutes.)

So for the past two years, this is what I have been doing daily. As soon as I feel myself emotionally react to what is happening around me, I rely on my core values. It’s not easy and there are plenty of times that I miss or completely ignore. But I continue to find at least one moment a day to really check in with myself and ask myself “Am I being my best self and remaining true to who I am?” All of the daily practice of remaining committed to core values has prepared my mind and spirit for true adversity. This is the test. Right now, this is true adversity. Not the cashier and the old lady.

As the next days and weeks continue and the unknown and the unknowable continue, I already have a mental game plan. I can control 1 factor in all of this: how will I react and handle this adversity. And I already have my answer: By remaining authentic, disciplined, and humble.

I dare you. Stop treating everyday life as adversity. Develop your core values and practice them daily.

Also, please wash your hands and stay home!!

8 A.M. on January 1, 2020. I deleted all social media from my phone and iPad. I had intended to do a simple social media fast for the first month of the New Year. Towards the end of day one, I got bored and needed to fill my day. I decided to track data and do a little project on myself. And since one of my New Year Resolutions was to write more, this project is my first blog of 2020. (And the irony of promoting a post about no social media on social media is not lost on me.)

Why did I do this? Well I had a rough end of the year mentally, and social media didn’t help a lot of the feelings I had regarding the: “not being good enough.” “I’m a fraud.” “I am not being the best version of myself.” “I am not where I should be in life.” “I’m the worst” “I’m a failure.” You know, just regular everyday thoughts.

This summer I did a social media fast for one week. I definitely noticed an improvement in my overall mood. So I figured it takes 30 days to establish a habit, why not give up social media for 31 days, this time around, and see what impact this habit has on me.

The Research

It is not new news that social media has negative impacts on individuals. In the past 10-15 years there have been multiple stories of teens and young adults committing suicide after experiencing cyberbullying. Facebook Depression is a phrase that was used in a report by the American Academy of Pediatrics used to describe “young users see[ing] updates, wall posts, and photos that make them feel unpopular. “ They also stated that, “Social media sites may have greater psychological impact on kids with low self-esteem or who are already otherwise troubled.”

Lin, et al… (2017) Surveyed 1,787 adults ages 19-32 regarding amount of time spent on social media and compared it to depression ratings. They found that individuals who spend more time on social media had “significantly increased odds of depression” (para 3). Elina Mir and Caroline Novas at the National Center for Health and Research cited that “Teens who spend 5 or more hours a day online were 71% more likely to have at least one risk factor for suicide compared to teens who spent only 1 hour a day online.” They Also cite that “[teens] who visited any platforms at least 58 times per week were three times more likely to feel socially isolated compared to those who used social media fewer than 9 times per week.” And that “greater instagram use was associated with greater self-objection and concern about body image.”

It’s also not new news that we are addicted to our phones and the Internet. According to a Digital Trends article, Americans average “4.7 hours” of their day on their phone, with an average of “one time per waking hour checking social media sites.” A July 2019 article from Pew Research Center found that, “86% of Americans who “occasionally” use the Internet will use a “smartphone, tablet, or other mobile device,” with 32% of those saying they are “online almost constantly.

I may not be a teen anymore, but I am still addicted to my phone and social media. I can say with certainty that I experience negative thoughts when checking social media. I am guilty of following people that annoy me, just to see how much that person annoys me. Talk about putting yourself in a MOOD. I guess I figured, why not. Let’s track the amount of time spent with a screen in my face and my overall mood when I don’t engage in social media.

The Questions:

How many times do I pick up my phone per day when I don’t have social media vs when I do have social media? Will I “habitually” pick up my phone? Will the number of times I pick up my phone decrease as the month progresses?

As previously stated in the research, there are some serious negative effects of social media on mental and emotional health. For me, there was fear in deleting social media. It’s the fear of missing out (FOMO). How would my FOMO compare at the beginning, middle, and end of the month?

The Process

 I did not “announce” on social media that I would be leaving. If people ask “did you get that meme I sent you.” “did you get my snap” “did you see that thing on facebook” etc.…. I would tell them that I am off of social media for the month of January. I did not initiate any conversations regarding doing a social media fast. This going off the gird “silently” made me very anxious. What if someone wants to contact me? What if something happens, and I want to post it? What if my friend gets engaged? What if there is a new funny meme and I don’t see it? What if my family is having a get together and only invite via Facebook? The “what ifs” were endless.

In the end, I figured, if someone wants to contact me, they can call or text me. If there is a family or friend gathering, I will probably get a text about. For book club, which pretty much communicates through Facebook, I can ask via text what book we are reading this month and when and where we are meeting.

I went into my phone and wrote down all of my screen time information for the previous week, December 23-28. This included, total weekly screen time, total phone pick-ups in the week, and total phone pick ups per day. All of the information was copied directly from the screen time tracker on my iPhone.

I made two calendars (attached at the bottom.) One calendar would track how many phone pick-ups I had per day, based on the screen time tracker on my iPhone. I also noted total screen time per week for full weeks.

The second calendar was a FOMO scale to give a quantitative data for FOMO. The FOMO scale was a daily ranking 1-5 based on how much I wished I had social media according to my “FOMO thoughts.” 1 being not caring at all, 5 being “I need to know!”

• FOMO thought:

1. What if someone is trying to contact me through (social media platform) and I’m missing out?!
2. I want to post this on (social media platform), so that they don’t miss out on my life!

I know that this was not a perfect and completely objective way to track FOMO, but I was very honest with my FOMO thoughts and myself.

Results:

 The week of December 25-28, prior to my social media fast, on average I picked up my phone 89 times per day. My weekly total of screen time was 25 hours per week, with 10 hours per week spent on social media.

For the month of January, where I had no social media, on average, I picked up my phone, 71.8 times per day. Total weekly time spent on my phone was 13 hours and 36 minutes. On average, I picked up my phone 18 times less per day. Total screen time was 12 hours less than the December weekly average it reduced by 52%.

My phone pick-ups stayed around the same throughout the whole month. There was no significant difference between the first week, middle weeks, and the last week of the month. The least that I picked up my phone was on January 26, with 20 pick-ups, and the most I picked up my phone was January 24, with 111 pick-ups. (Which is also the day I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere in the middle of dark time)

The first day of no social media, I would pick up my phone out of habit. I would walk by my phone and pick it up, only to remember that I didn’t have anything to “click on.” And then I would put my phone down, walk past it two minutes later and do the same thing, repeated all day. Sometimes, when I realized that I didn’t have something to scroll through, I would just open my photos or emails just to have the satisfaction of “scrolling.”

Regarding FOMO thoughts, my average FOMO rating was 2.2. My highest day was January 1^st, at a level 5. The most common ranking that I gave myself was a 2 with ten total days at a 2. Level 3 and 1 both occurred eight times during the month. January 1^st-4^th were my highest ranked days from 3-5. After which, I started ranking more 1-3 in the middle of the month. January 30^th-31^st were both ranked at 4.

 Discussion

I have a definite addiction to my phone. Not just social media, but to the actual phone itself. There wasn’t a significant change in the amount of times I picked up my phone. However, there was a significant difference in the total amount of time spent on my phone. I still wanted to pick up my phone and feel it in my hand. I wanted to watch the screen light up. I wanted to scroll. Even with a social media fast, my phone was always right next to me.

Overall, I got used to not being on social media, but I still found at least a part of myself wanting to be on social media. I felt significant FOMO at the beginning of the month, a few days in the middle, and then towards the end of the month. As I was getting toward the end of the month, I found myself excited to get back to social media and anticipating getting to “catch up.”

There were definite pros to fasting social media. Since I wasn’t staring at my phone, I had about 12 extra hours per week. 12 HOURS. TWELVE. I can no longer say I don’t have time for something, because I know how to magically make 12 extra hours per week. So how did I spend my time?

I was more productive at work, if I checked my phone it was for 5 minutes at a time to see emails or texts, instead of sitting and scrolling for 20 minutes at a time. Considering I had more time in my week, I found myself being really intentional about what I was consuming, overall. I watched less TV and fewer movies. I read more. In fact, I read 5 books this month. Where it usually takes me 4 months to read one book or I maybe read 1 book a month (for book club.)

I got better sleep, instead of spending the evening scrolling through reddit or pinterest. I would come home and either watch an episode of something or listen to a podcast. At the same time each night, I would turn off my evening entertainment and go to bed and read. Instead of lying in bed scrolling mindlessly for hours, I would fall asleep reading. I typically slept through the night. When I woke up, I felt rested.

I suddenly had more time in the morning when I was getting ready for work. Suddenly 30-40 minutes per morning was PLENTY of time to get ready. Even had time to do some reading and writing. I was able to get random chores done before work like dishes or meal prep 1-2 meals. Overall, I spent my time wiser and with more purpose.

Mentally and emotionally, I felt better. Essentially I spent an entire month not comparing myself to random strangers or friends on the Internet. I wasn’t in the “know” on useless drama and gossip. I didn’t know who posted what. I didn’t have “They’re posting AGAIN!” or “Why would you post that” thoughts or general eye-rolls when certain people show up on my feed. Overall I would say I was more content this month. I was content with just being myself, staying in my lane, and doing my own thing without anyone knowing.

There were SOME cons to fasting social media. I was very behind on the news. I didn’t know that Kobe Bryant died until like 2 days later. And of course, that’s on me for not picking up the newspaper. However, not “knowing” the news or gossip did NOT have a negative impact on me. I just didn’t know. And I didn’t care. Knowing or not knowing had no effect on me.

I also felt like I missed out (FOMO) with friends’ birthdays or new baby pictures or their cat pictures. But you know what, I found that if I was missing out on a friend’s life, I would give them a call or a text. Just a fun fact, Facebook noticed I hadn’t signed in and would email everyday about “see what your friend so-and-so just posted.”

I dare you.

The name of the blog is because she dared. I dared to delete social media and “be in the dark” for 31 days. Yeah, I’m excited and ready to scroll through all of the missed posts and memes this weekend. But through this experienced I learned that I don’t NEED to be in the know with every little thing, I don’t NEED to be constantly “connected.” I survived, in fact; I thrived not being on social media.

Not being in the know was an advantage to me; I didn’t feel annoyed or angry at someone’s post, because I didn’t know they posted it. It didn’t exist to me. I sought out the news that was important to me. I sought out the news from friends personally. I felt that I was able to better connect with friends. When I did call or text my friends, I really did not know what was going on in their lives, so we had great connection and conversations. There was freedom in not having to feel like I need to post something. There was freedom in not constantly seeing if someone saw my post or liked my pictures. There was freedom in not having to edit pictures and find the perfect caption of some moment; only to know that what I posted isn’t even the “real me.” I didn’t feel like I needed validation from anyone online OR in real life.

I dare you. I dare you to limit your social media input. Delete it for an extended amount of time. Delete certain apps from your phone, so that you have to get up and go to the computer to sign in. Put a time limit on certain apps. Set a rule: No Social Media Sundays, or no social media before or after a certain time. See how your mood changes, notice that you have LOTS of time in a day.

Free yourself from social media. Free yourself from FOMO. Be free from constant blinking. Be free from endless negative inputs. Find the freedom to connect with others. Find the freedom to be content with who you are. You are free to be wholly and unapologetically you.

Resources

1. Liu, L., Sidani, J., Shensa, A., Radovic., Miller, E., Colditz, j., Hoffman, B., Primack, B., (2017). Association between Social Media Use and Depression among U.S. Young Adults. Retrieved from ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.
2. Mir, E., Novas, (2020). C. Social Media and Adolescents’ and Young Adults’ Mental Health. Retrieved from http://center4research.org.
3. Chang, L. (2015). Americans spend an alarming amount of time checking social media on their phones. Retrieved from digitaltrends.com.
4. Perrin, A. (2019). About three-in0ten U.S. adults say they are ‘almost constantly’ online. Retrieved from pewresearch.org.
5. J. (2019). Is “Facebook Depression” For Real? Retrieved from socialworktoday.com

 Appendixes

Total Pick-ups per day 

FOMO Scale

Total Weekly Screen Time

“When the notion of ourselves and the world grows so inflated that it begins to distort the reality that surrounds us…..Ego is at the root of every problem and obstacle.” Ryan Holiday, Ego is the Enemy

Ego. We all have it. That need to “be better than the rest.” We compare our behaviors to others and tell ourselves, “well what she is doing is so much worse than what I am doing.” We compare our achievements and tell ourselves, “I’d be that successful too if my parents paid for everything.” Ego and pride prevent us from asking the real questions, “Is being with this group of friends, really going to get me where I want to be in 5 years?” “Am I really putting all the work in to be better and be successful?” Ego and pride have a way of making us avoid those gut-retching questions. Ego and pride hate truth. Ego hates authenticity.

Being humble means that you are willing to learn. You are willing to be a student. You’re willing to ask “stupid questions.” Willingness to change and be uncomfortable, because it means growth and improvement, that’s being humble. I quit a job where I was comfortable. I finally figured out how it all “worked.” I used a lot of big words everyday, like “intracerebral hemorrhage in the frontal lobe.” Only to have to start over, in a completely new system. I had to ask a lot of stupid questions, and I’m sure many of my new co-workers questioned my abilities. If I let their opinion of me consume me, I would not have grown as an SLP. If I had worried about what past co-workers thought of me, I would not have challenged myself. I had to be a beginner. Nobody likes being a beginner.  I once had a professor who said, “When I stop getting nervous every time I get a new client, that’s when I hang it up…..I am never done learning. I am always a student.”

Being humble is the hard choice. It’s hard to do pause squats at 95 pounds, and just focus on speed out of the hole, instead of going full send and loading the bar with 250.

Being humble takes patience. It takes patience when you just worked a long day, only to have to go to the grocery store at peak shopping hour; all the lines are full, and the cashier just isn’t moving fast enough.

Being humble takes self-restraint. When the project that you are in charge of at work is a big flop; instead of giving endless excuses, you take responsibility.

It’s hard, especially in the social media world that is 2019. Everyone wants recognition for what they do. And there is an endless supply of “self-made” celebrities on social media, who are getting that recognition. We see rappers, actors, musicians, and athletes, who are making a lot of money, based on their ego. Their personality, their ego-mania, seems to make them so hated, yet so popular. We all only post the best version. Even the humble “failed lift” or “#realmom posts, have an element of “look at me, look at how humble I am.” (I say that, because I’ve posted a few failed lifts, just to show people how humble I am.) We post the PRs, the new jobs, the pile of self-improvement books, the Christmas card family photo. And I’m not saying don’t post those things. BE PROUD. It’s a fine line to walk, between being proud of yourself and being prideful.  But ask yourself: if no one knew you hit a PR, volunteered at a certain place, worked to getting a graduate degree, got a new job: would you still be proud? Are you willing to continue to learn and grow? Are you wanting to do more? Are you willing to be a beginner? Or are you just looking for an instagram snack to feed your ego?

It’s a tough pill to swallow. These are not fun questions to type up, and they are not fun questions to ask yourself.

I mean, I realize the massive irony in this post, me talking about being humble, seems pretty bragg-y. However, the coolest thing about being humble, is that it’s a never ending learning process. There are endless opportunities to practice being humble. And there is nothing like posting about how humble you are, to make you realize you still have a LONG way to go towards being humble.

Who do you want to be tomorrow?

This was one of the things that I would ask myself when I was training for my last power lifting competition. My biggest fear had nothing to do with missing a lift. My biggest fear was that I would wake up the day after and think “I didn’t go for it.” My goal for that competition had nothing to do with the result, it was simply: Put 100% effort into each day leading up to training, so that the day of I knew that I stepped onto that platform with absolutely no regret. I didn’t want to step on the platform and think of a day during training when I didn’t give 100%. When it was a 5 rep max day, I would ask myself “Who do you want to be tomorrow?” I never wanted to be someone who left a training session and not be proud of the effort I put in.

I’ve always said that one of my core values is being hard-working/goal oriented. But as I was writing this today, I kept going back and forth between those words; only to find what I really meant was discipline.

Core value #2: Discipline

Practicing discipline EVERYDAY is how I improve. Discipline to the goal and the daily choices I make is the only way I can make any progress toward a goal. The work toward the goal is in my control, and I can’t be mad or blame anyone, but myself if I don’t make the goal. Discipline is something I am trying to practice in all aspects of my life: financially, career, fitness, relationships etc… I have specific goals in all of these areas and practicing daily discipline everyday has helped me reach these goals. And one of the best feelings in the world is checking a goal off the list. And then sitting down and writing a new goal and giving myself a new challenge is so exciting to me.  In practicing daily discipline, I have found that reaching the goal not as full-filling as one might think. To me, reaching the goal is the period at the end of the story. The work, that’s the part I love. That’s the real story. Knowing that when I go to sleep at night, I added more to my story. The goal is just a goal. A goal without work is just a sentence you wrote down.

I want to be around hard-working individuals who are bettering themselves and the world around them. People who are willing to give up the immediate gratification for the long-term payout. People who will make hard choices because they know the reward will be worth it. People who are willing to put in the work. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. People who have grit. People who maximize their minutes and improve on themselves daily. The ones who make the daily choice to improve their lives. People who ask: is what what I am doing RIGHT NOW going to get me to the person I want to be in 5 years?

So what does it mean to be hard working? I will tell you right now, hard work is not quantitative; it’s qualitative. There is no set amount of hours that can determine hard work. I often hear people bragging about how many hours a week they work, or how many hours they spend putting into a project. That’s not necessarily hard work, that’s time. My measurement of hard work is one question: When I look at the things that are within my 100% immediate control: Did I do everything possible when working to reach this goal?

Individuals who are dedicated to disciple and the daily process of self-improvement are individuals who are active participants in their life. Maybe things aren’t going super well in their life, so they make the decision to change their story. They are the ones who are not reacting to what is happening to them; they are the ones who are making the hard choices everyday to get to where they want to be. So often, we just accept what is happening to us, to loved ones, to people in our community, to groups of people, and then we have bad attitudes and negativity and then we rant about it all of social-media. Being reactive does not solve problems and it doesn’t make the world better.

What is your goal? What does your ideal world look like? Now, go be dedicated to the daily process. Be disciplined to the work. EVERY. DAY.

There’s no greater feeling than knowing you put everything into the daily process. I was alone when I reached this goal, there was no audience cheering me on. Just me, putting in the work. I left that day, knowing there was no way I could put any more work into the day. It was one of the best days, not because of the result, but because of the work.

Before I get too deep into this month’s post. I wanted to give an update on last month’s post. Things have been going better, I would say 2-3 days a week can be rough. But overall much better! I have been forcing myself to participate in life and staying mindful of the thoughts that have been going in and out of my mind.

So last month, my post was pretty real and raw. And I was nervous posting something like that. There is always the “what will they say about me thoughts.” Will people think I’m just trying to get attention or I’m a millennial snow flake, and I should suck it up butter cup. Overall the reactions were positive, a few people reached out and shared their own experiences, and I was able to connect with people on a deeper level. Which was really cool! But it kind of got me thinking about what my next blog post was going to be.

The book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”  (I highly recommend everyone read it) one of the first habits that they dive into is the importance of living by core values.    One of my firsts posts, that you should all take time to go read, “Quality time with Quality people.” (shameless self-promotion.) I talked about the qualities that I value in others and try to emulate in myself. I realize that those qualities reflect my core values: authentic, hard-working, humble. Those are my top three.  So I am going to do a little “blog series” the next few posts diving deeper into my core values and how they shape my day-to-day life. I also challenge you to sit, reflect, and identify your core values.

Authenticity. My last post really seemed to spark open and honest discussions with friends and acquaintances. For an introvert it was a lot to take on some of the talks/texts/e-mails that I got from others. It honestly made me think: why are so many people telling me their deep dark truths. Well, to be frank. People appreciate authenticity. People want honesty. There is so much “fake” in everyone’s world today. Look at instagram for example, myself included.  Instagram influencers and models have often posted about how their “candid” pictures are often full-on photo shoots that take several hours with a crew of lighting technicians and a full hair and make-up crew. And how many of us are guilty of scrolling through all of the filters on instagram only to narrow it down to two and then 10/10 times choose “Ludwig.” (Heaven forbid, if I go missing, they won’t be able to find a picture from my instagram that actually looks like me to use on the missing person poster.) Even my post workout boomerangs have been taken several times, gotta make sure that nasty hair and sweat look like I worked really hard.  That is just social media, which if we are honest consumes a lot of everyone’s day.

Outside of social media there is a lack of authenticity. How often do we say one thing to a co-workers face only to say something completely different to another? How often does your trainer tell you that you are doing a good job, when in reality you need to keep your chest up during your squat? How often do you agree with a date that “The Big Lebowski” is, in fact, the best movie ever, when you’ve never heard of it? How often do you meet someone, forget their name, only to see them a week later and have a full conversation not remembering their name, and resort to calling the “buddy.”

Authenticity. Truth. Genuine. Honesty. Real. Spin it anyway that you want it. I want to be authentic. If I want something or need something from someone I ask. If someone upsets me, I tell them directly, instead of lying and saying everything is fine, only to tell a different story to others. I want others to be authentic with me. I don’t want to be around others who change who they are or what they believe when they are around me. I also need to be authentic with myself. As I go through my day, am I REALLY doing everything I can to be who I want to be. Am I putting “my money where my mouth is” or am I just saying I am to make myself feel better.

So, the big thing with core values, is that they determine your day-to-day decisions. How do I use authenticity everyday? Some examples:

A group of friends invite me somewhere to do something. And I honestly would rather just be at home with my cat. All I say is “no thanks.” I don’t lie or give an exuse. I am just honest.

I am done with work, and I am sort of tired, but I know I need to get a workout in. Instead of say “oh well, I can take a rest day.” Look a little deeper, and realize, I just want to be home at 4pm so I can watch Netflix.

Someone upsets me. They say or do something that really “gets my goat.” I tell them.

I can’t find what I need in the store and the cashier asks “did you find everything.” I tell them no I didn’t. They are usually shocked that someone changed the “script” of grocery shopping: get in and get out with minimal interaction.

Eating a meal, and I am tracking my macros, and I don’t want to count the olive oil that I have on my vegetables, so that I can have a piece of cheese. That’s not being authentic, and that’s not going to shape me into the honest person that I am striving to be.

Authenticity: Who I am in private is the same of who I am in public. It’s a foundation. I don’t want to only put out the “good” parts of life but the “real” parts of life. And I will try use more then just one instagram filter.

What I actually look like all the time. This is the photo we use when I go missing.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Person.

Person who?

I’m sad.

This was the very first joke I ever wrote and told. My family really did erupt in laughter, and they all still laugh to this day over it. It didn’t take long to figure out that it wasn’t my humor that tickled their funny bones. But I am still very proud of this killer joke.

A few days ago, I was drawing a blank. What do I blog about this month? My brain was vacant. Nothing felt right. Looking for some inspiration from a friend, she advised me: Just start typing and see what happens. So I sat down to type. And I was empty. And that’s when it hit me.

I’m experiencing depression.

Person who? I’m sad.

Being sad is very different than being depressed. In my opinion, sadness lasts for a moment, maybe a day or two, usually has some outside catalyst: reading a sad book, getting bad news, etc… And for me, I can often overcome sadness with an outside catalyst, a funny video, hanging out with a friend, etc… Depression is different, and it’s different for everyone. For me, it’s emptiness, I don’t feel like I have feelings. I’m not really happy or sad or bored. Just existing. And it becomes a battle to “get back to normal.”

So how am I going to get back to normal? Luckily this isn’t my first rodeo with the beast. Even better, since the last time I’ve gone through this, I’ve had a change in mindset, from the fixed mindset to the growth mindset.

First off, recognition and acceptance. I very quickly recognized my desire to stay in bed all day for 10 days straight and not wanting to shower, workout, or leave my house, was NOT a challenge to see how lazy I could be. It’s all I can handle. I just want to stay inside and watch YouTube videos to escape whatever I am avoiding. Avoiding things I enjoy doing. I love grocery shopping. It’s my favorite thing to do on a Friday night. (I believe that I am going to have a “meet cute” with my future husband in a grocery store.) The last few weeks. Didn’t want to. Didn’t want to eat. Wasn’t hungry. Didn’t care. Food didn’t have taste. Everything was empty and bland. I love going on bike rides on sunny days.  Nope. Lay in bed instead. Watch Friends on Netflix for the 100th time, and tell yourself, “I just love binge watching.” Everyone knows I love getting up early in the morning. Nope. Stay up late, wake up at 9am, lay in bed for bit, then take a nap later in the afternoon. Then go out to the couch to watch Netflix. Back to bed by 7 pm, asleep by 10. Day and day out. Don’t think about anything. Don’t do anything. Don’t feel anything. Vacant. Devoid. Uninhabited. Empty.

That is depression. That is what my depression looks like to the outside observer. Internally, “Oh, I’m just having a lazy day.” No. Rebecca. You are depressed. Accept it. Say it out loud. Tell a friend, tell your cat, write it down. Blog about it. The first step is acceptance. I know that’s a cliche. But it’s true. Because, you know what’s cool? By accepting it (diagnosing) I can treat it (fight back.)

So, how am I going to wrestle this? I have a few ideas. Like I said, this is something that I have gone through before. But now I  have more of a growth mindset. To me this is a challenge. I will grow and learn something from this. This is an opportunity.

*******If you are reading this, and feel like this is you. Or someone you know. Please recognize it and accept it. Please seek help. Objective, outside-observer, who is well versed and qualified in this. Go find them! Words like depression, burn out, mental health, etc… get thrown around like confetti, and those that are experiencing them are often labeled as “weak” or “millennial snowflakes.”Admitting struggles and weakness does not make you weak or less of a person.  So please, seek help.*********

So my “treatment plan” for this. (Shout-out to all my fellow SLPs, PTs, and OTs for that word play.) I figure the best way to do this is to involve  factors that I can control. So the following are all things that are within my control. If I want to be that psycho, I can add a measurement to each one of these and track the data, like a good speechie would 🙂

1. Sleep routine. Get back into my sleeping routine for one. Going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time, EVERYDAY. I’m on summer vacation, and yeah, I don’t have to be up at 5 am. But you know what. I’m going to. Sleep is vital for health. Science has shown that individuals who sleep less than 5 hours a night show signs of brain damage. Cognitive functioning, decision making, short-term memory, and executive functioning are all affected. 8 hours is magic. It is what the brain and body need for optimal functioning. And having a night-time routine helps get those precious 8 hours. My night routine typically consists of no screens an hour before bed (no phone in my bedroom either), journaling or some type of reflection of the day, 5-10 minutes of progressive breathing, read until I fall asleep (approximately 2 minutes after I start reading, which is why it takes me 6 months to finish a book).

2. Nutrition. “Let food by thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”-Hippocrates HIGH QUALITY FOODS. Fueling my body with what it needs for energy. That means if I can kill it or get it from the earth, I can eat it. That also means, hitting my macros and micros daily. Reducing any mind-altering stimulants. I no longer consume alcohol, so for me a big one would be caffeine. Also eating when my body feels hungry and is telling me that it needs to be fed, instead of finding “fasting states.”

3. Listening to my body. I love working out, we all know this. However, when I don’t feel anything, working out can become dangerous. I want to feel something, so feeling the pain during a workout can become slightly addicting. I have a few tweeks throughout my body, and I need to be listening to them and not just push through, so that I can feel something. Also, getting them checked out and having professionals work on those problem areas. This also means that I need to be taking appropriate rest days and active recovery days. Working out is stress on the body and taking breaks are very important for body and mind recovery.

4. Reach out. You guys. My friends are better than yours. They are 100/100. THE BEST! And when I need to talk to someone, I have to reach out to them. If I want to go do something and want someone to do things with, I have to reach out. If one of my friends can’t do something and says “no” it’s not because they have something else going on. People have their own lives, and my friends aren’t “avoiding me;” in reality, they don’t know what’s going on. So if I need to be with someone or need support, I have to take responsibility for that.

5.   Monitoring media. First off, I need to reduce the amount of social media that I consume, and probably take a week-long social media fast. I follow a lot of aspirational athletes and people on social media, and I find myself comparing myself to those individuals. This can certainly send me into a downward spiral and give me the “constant failure” feelings. Second, content consumption. What we consume, media-wise, affects us. The podcasts I listen to, the movies or shows I watch is what I escape to, and when I come back to reality; it is influenced by what I filled my mind with. Third, reduce screen time. Studies have been coming out on how screen time negatively affects children. I think that screen time affects all of us negatively, no matter the age.  100% transparency, the last 7-10 days, I have stared at a screen for 12+ hours per day. (Please note, I am on summer break and NOT at work, where staring at a screen is a slight requirement for my job). I am going to reduce that to something more reasonable. My days will involve getting FRESH air for a few hours a day, doing creative things throughout my day: writing, coloring, painting, reading, cooking, listening to up-lifting podcasts, etc…

That’s it. The plan of attack. Five controllable factors. It’s not necessarily going to be easy, but it’s not impossible, and it’s not forever. Thank you for sticking with me on this guys. It’s kind of uncomfortable to read about someone’s struggles. And it’s even more uncomfortable to write about it. But I believe in being 100% authentic, in all areas of my life. Again, if you feel like this is you, please find help. These phases in life don’t define you, they are a small part of the bigger picture.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Person.

Person who?

I’m depressed.

But not for long.

Dad did you get your hair cut? No I got them all cut.

GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN

Everyone loves a good dad joke, but no one more than my dad and I. There is never a question in my mind of which tree this apple falls from. I am 100% my father’s daughter and proud when people say “you’re just like your dad.”

I know everyone says that their dad is the daddest dad of all, but I think my dad takes the cake. He has a love of “dad jokes,” he begrudgingly allowed us have pets, and he even has a pair of new balance shoes. But the best thing about my dad is the lessons that he has taught us through the years. Lessons from childhood through our teen years that I didn’t know I needed until adulthood.

One of the earliest lessons that my dad taught us four kids was in investments and risk in the market. On road trips, it was customary to stop at a gas station and get road trip snacks. And one of our favorite road trip snacks was pop. Once upon a time, when you bought a bottle of pop, the cap would have a message it would say “try again next time” or “Buy one get one free.” My dad liked to play a game called “who wants to buy my pop cap.” The rules were simple, my dad would open his pop, look at the cap, and then ask us “Who wants to buy my cap?” In unison, all four of us kids would say “me!!” from the back seats.  We weren’t allowed to look at the cap until we paid up. And my dad cheered us on from the driver’s seat to up our bids. “It just might be a winner. You won’t know unless you play the game.” And then the bidding began. My brother would offer a quarter, my other brother fifty cents, and my sister would offer a dollar. One time I offered $5. (And that was the time my mom got involved, and didn’t let us play that game for a long time.)

Was this actually a lesson in investments and risk? Or was my dad just trying to entertain himself by pitting his children against each other.

Either way, nothing is guaranteed and you shouldn’t be willing to part with things that have absolute value. A dollar will always be worth a dollar.

“Dad can I go to this movie/this concert/watch this show?” My dad would look up whatever entertainment we wanted and if he didn’t agree with something in it, such as language or content he wouldn’t let us participate. Our response was always the same “Well there’s only a little bit.” And that’s when we learned about my dad’s brownies.

He used the analogy that if he baked a pan of brownies and only put a little bit of poop in the brownies, would you still eat them? Be careful of what and who you surround yourself with. Small compromise here or there have a big impact.

Work. Work. Work. Growing up on the farm, we learned how to work and the importance of work. There was always a job to be done. Whether it was painting the barn by hand or moving  a stack of wood from the barn, to the shed, to the quonset, to the old horse trailer, only to get rid of the wood three years later. But I digress. The job isn’t done until it’s done. And the job isn’t done until it’s done well. Certain times of the year, harvest and spring work, I would honestly go several days without seeing my dad. He would be up and out the door before I left for school and would come home after I was asleep.

Anything worth having is worth working for, and if you’re not willing to put in the work and the sacrifice, don’t be upset when you don’t have it.

Be a servant. As much time that my dad spends working, he always has time to serve others. Give without expectations. Give what you have. Time, talent, resource. When there is a project at church, you can bet that my dad will be there. If someone needs a trailer and a pickup to move, my dad is there (and my mom helped pack, of course.) When there was a big snow storm, my dad cleared our yard and helped clear our neighbors yard. He doesn’t have to do any of these things, yet he does. My dad is a servant. He uses what he has and does what he can to serve his family and his community.

Enjoy life. My dad has always found a way for all of us to enjoy life. Whether it was family vacations, weekend get-aways to Fargo, or driving all the way to town, just to get ice-cream. Of all my siblings, I am the most high-strung. I was the one who was a nervous wreck at Disney World, because, I didn’t want to ride any scary rides, like “It’s a small world.” My dad is always putting things into perspective for me. Reminding me to relax and look at the bigger picture and really evaluate what’s the worst thing that could happen? (I did eventually go on “It’s a small world.) My dad has received several calls from me, crying on the other end, upset about something that is usually out of my control. His response was always “just relax.” Enjoy life with people you love. It will go much better.

My dad has been my greatest teacher. The lessons have not stopped, and I hope they never do. This apple didn’t fall far from the tree. And my dad has given me strong roots.

It really is! I love it. It’s a fun day to give little gifts or treats to people you love, and let’s be real, it breaks up the winter. It’s a little something to look forward to in the middle of winter.

My dating life is less than exciting. I mean, let’s just call it, non existent. Fun story, I took a Meyers Briggs personality test and I am INFJ, and one of the descriptions is “slow on the dating game.” 100% accurate. So let’s get into my dating life.

“Have you tried tinder or bumble?”  “You have to put yourself out there.” “You know you have to leave your house in order to go on a date” Yes, I have. And how dare you ask me to do something as ridiculous as “leave my house.” When I was in college, I just assumed I would get asked out on all kinds of dates and have a boyfriend and be married by 25. But that never happened. I mean I chose a female dominated major and a competitive program that required me to spend most nights studying. Not a lot of opportunities to be around single men to ask me out. And then, my first job was (and still is) in a close knit community, where there is few opportunities for new comers to meet other new comers. Yes. All of these were my choosing and I could have “put myself out there, leave my house, and met someone.” And yes, I did tinder and went on a few dates, but nothing really stuck. Plus there’s some pretty scaring experiences and conversations that I’ve had with people on tinder that just gives me the shivers. We’re not getting into it. Gross. Icky. Icky gross.

But here’s the thing.

Looking back, I was not someone who I would have wanted to date. Especially in college and in my first 2-3 years outside of school. The opinions of others was how I measured my value. When I would go another Valentine’s Day alone, I would ask “What is wrong with me? What do I need to change about myself to be noticed by a guy or to get a date?” Looking back at that version of myself, I was putting a huge responsibility on the male counter part to give me my value. (And of course we can go down the “beauty standards” road, but that can be for another time.) And who would want to date someone who didn’t see their worth or their value? So yeah, I’m very happy that I’ve been going through these years of growth as single woman.

Ultimately, self worth is an independent market. You have to set your own price and your own value. That is all on you.

So what’s my price? I live my life based on 5 core values: be authentic, work hard, stay humble, remain open-minded, give back. That’s it. This is what I mean when I say “quality time with quality people.” I want the core people in my life to be high quality and that’s how I measure it.  When people give me advice, or ask questions, such as

“If you want to meet someone, you need to stop spending so much time in the gym.”

“A guy doesn’t want a girl who lifts that much”

“Now that you’ve graduated, you’ll find a man.”

“Maybe there will be a single doctor at the hospital, that you will meet.”

“Are you dating anyone?”

“So-and-so is single, why don’t you date him?”

***At weddings, “Before you know it, it will be your turn.”

To this I simply say. Read above. I spend my quality time with quality people doing quality things. I don’t choose activities based on the possibility of meeting someone. I’m not going to date someone “just because they are single.” I am living my life in the best way possible for me, and whatever or whoever aligns with that will be there.

Unfortunately everyone else has their own measurement.

A comment that I get from co-workers, friends, and family “Well, you don’t have a family, you should be able to do (insert committee/meeting/part-time job).” First off I DO HAVE A FAMILY. I have parents and siblings, cousins, grandparents, friends, a plethora of people that I support in various ways. What I do NOT have is a spouse and children. My time is no less valuable. We ALL are deserving of rest. We are ALL allowed to say “no.” We are ALL worthy of a vacation or a “stay-cation.” Time is finite, time is valuable, spend it wisely. Spend it with people you love, spend it doing things you value, spend it making the world a better place.

A single woman with beautiful black cat named Chloe has no less value than a married woman. A married woman with no children has no less value than a married woman with children. A married woman with children has no less value than whether she has a job or not, a divorced woman with children or without children no less value than anyone else in her community. We all have VALUE and WORTH.

“Just wait until you’re married, you will change your mind.” Again, read above. I’m not changing who I am to appease someone, whoever I marry, will share my values. They will bring out the best in me. And hopefully I bring out the best in them. TOGETHER we build a life. And obviously, I will gain new perspective and grow and learn as challenges and life changes happen. I mean, that’s what I do now, I face challenges; I learn something about myself or the world, and I grow from that. That doesn’t change with marriage. Someone just gets to be up-close and personal with that growth.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am not married. But I do have some thoughts on marriage. Simply this: marriage is an equal partnership. It is two people doing life together. It is a stage in my life that I am very excited for. An equal partner. We all have been a part of the conversations, “She married well.” “….And her husband is a doctor/lawyer/successful business owner/***insert last name****” A woman is not an accessory to her husband or her husband’s success.

That’s all my advice on marriage. I have minimal experience there, but I have lots of experience being single. (Yeah, I know, I am totally clueless on this topic.)

I honestly don’t know how to end this. Let’s just be a blessing to each other as women. Let’s support and love each other. Instead of depreciating someone’s value based on their marital status or who they marry. Let’s just love ourselves. Let’s find our worth. Let’s support others and help others find their worth. I dare us all to find our price.

******And please stop asking me about my dating life or speculating why I am still single. Honestly, that’s how this whole post got started, but it somehow got really out of hand. I need to go lie down.****

“Hey remember at so-and-so’s wedding”

“Remember so-and-so’s bachelorette party”

“Remember when we all went out”

“Becca, you were so drunk.”

I didn’t start drinking until I turned 21, because I am a rule follower. But when I turned 21, I found a new favorite past time. I was always down to go out. I was always the one to call if you wanted to get a drink. When I was drunk, in my mind, I was the star of the show. I loved people talking about me and my antics on Monday mornings.

One year ago, I had a big decision to make, quit my first grown-up job. I wanted to be sure I made this decision in a 100% clear state of mind. So I decided to quit drinking for 1 month while I weighed my options. During that month of decision making and added stress, I found myself saying “I could really use a drink right now.” One month of sobriety turned into two months turned into three months. Then I decided to give it up 100%. It has been one year since my last drink. Here is what I learned.

Drinking doesn’t fit my lifestyle anymore. Did I have a drinking problem? Looking back, I don’t think I  had a drinking problem, in the tradition sense, but I was definitely using alcohol to cope. It was a way to cope with loneliness.  I wanted to be with friends, instead of being by myself. I used it to cope with self-confidence issues; I was a different person when I was drunk. An idiot with a foggy brain. When my brain was in that “foggy state” I didn’t have to deal with the person that I didn’t like. I felt more confident. I made bold (stupid) decisions when drinking. I wanted my friends to acknowledge me, so being a fool on Friday night, meant that they would remember me on Monday morning.

I am no longer the self-loathing, lonely, whiny, little girl that I was three years ago. I am embarrassed of things in my past, but it’s not what I did that embarrasses me. It’s who I was. Constantly asking “Do they like me?” “Maybe they will like me better if I do this.” “UGHHHH I SUCK AT EVERYTHING! I SUCK AT LIFE!” On repeat in my brain 24/7.

I want to be in my right state of mind, because I truly LOVE who I am. I no longer need to avoid who I am by having a “foggy brain.” And I wouldn’t want to be in that state of mind. In life, there is very little that I can control: weather, price of groceries, how people treat me, ect… But one thing that I can control 100% is my state of mind. I can be in control of my mind. Why would I ever give that up?

My social calendar has really opened up this past year. I found that I no longer get invited to the thirsty Thursdays or the Friday nights out on the town. Even the mid-week after work drinks and apps. And I’m cool with that. That’s not my lifestyle anymore. But it makes me wonder, did people want to be with me or did they want to be with some other version of me. Do they value me or do they value the lifestyle? Makes you wonder.

My circle has gotten smaller, but much deeper. The conversations are no longer centered around what I did on Friday night. We talk, very clearly, about our lives, the world around us, what we want the world to be. We talk about problems, think of solutions to our problems. We invest time in each other instead of investing time and money on alcohol. The activities aren’t centered around alcohol. They are centered around spending our quality time being 100% there and being together.

And sometimes they are centered around Bob Ross painting night or my cat’s birthday party. Either way, I enjoy my time with my friends so much more now.

The friends that I have are not only understanding of my choice, but they support it. They have never questioned it. They simply accepted it. They knew that it was the best choice that I could make for myself.

It’s been an awesome year. I have discovered so much more about myself this past year and sobriety had a lot to do with that. And who’s to say, maybe someday I will have a drink again. But for now, and the foreseeable future: I’ll just have a water please.

Me being the “third drunkest person” at my friends wedding